pity party

Hey all, welcome to my pity party. I have been running with a training group for 7 weeks now and I am always the last person in the group. The leader basically has to fall back with me and then run forward to be sure the others can still hear her call out intervals. I feel so awful. I am trying so hard and am still the slowest. My thoughts were terrible tonight, things like "why do I always choose things that I am terrible at?" and "I need to just give up all these goals I have because I will never achieve them".

I have lost all joy in running because every run consists of the group all in front of me and me pressured to figure out how to keep up. I know I need to be challenged but I think I need to add a run that is just meditative to remind me why I am doing this. I actually had tears in my eyes in front of the coach and another girl that said to me, "I think it is so great that you are hanging in there with us, I don't think I could have your resilience." Now I know she meant it as a compliment but I just felt stupid for crying and terrible that I have to be the one who stands out as the slow one that won't give up.

I feel like if I just stop it will be better for the group and yet something in me will not allow me to give up on this.

I am sorry for the pity party. I don't know if it is just the running, Jake being deployed for so long, pms or what but I just feel awful.

Ok party over, go back to your regularly scheduled programming

the road...

I am so happy! I finally found the scene in "What Women Want" that started the wheels turning in my head to begin running. Something about this scene struck a chord in me and I wanted to be the woman featured, her breath, her strength, her shoes pounding the pavement, no judgement, no pretences, just her and the road. I am not quite her yet and dont know if I ever will be or even should be, but I am becoming the runner I am supposed to be.... and the road loves me too.

Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5Ct2Rp3HG8

For some reason html is unavailable so just copy and paste into browser, trust me the extra work will be worth it!